Doctor said I wouldnt need to tell...

Place for talking about dating with HPV and/or other STDs. Did you tell the person? How did they react? Share you experience here.

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Doctor said I wouldnt need to tell...

Postby ifeelfilthy » Tue Mar 03, 2009 5:24 am

When my doctor told me I had GW, she explained it could have come from any of my partners and lay dorment for months/years.

She gave me Warticon cream, and said if I do have sex I should probably use a condom. She also said I didnt need to tell any partners.

I keep reading here that everyone tells, but if the doctor says you dont need too?

Now I know everyone says you should tell, but who hasnt? Why not?
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Postby Erika_is_going_crazy » Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:19 am

Telling someone is a matter of personal opinion. Most people on here say to tell their partners because they have had visible signs on and off with warts constantly. Most peoples bodies attack this virus and it is gone in a couple months (which not many of those people are on here), so the opinions are a bit skewed on this site. Yes, there are chances you can pass on the virus without visible signs (warts) but the chances are much much smaller. My doctor recommended saying the same thing, not to tell the partner after the visible signs were gone. My warts are gone now, and I had sex last weekend, I did tell my partner since it was weighing on my conscience and I'd just gotten rid of the warts. Not too mention I have some bad scarring down there.

The fact is that there are a lot of stds not visible to the naked eye that your partner could have as well, but you<re at a slightly increased risk, because you know for a fact you have an std. Condoms can help, but still dont prevent it fully from being passed on. My thoughts are that I am going to tell people up until 6 months after I'm clear...and possibly longer since I'm a very honest person and dont want any guilt weighing me own.

Cheers.
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Postby ifeelfilthy » Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:44 pm

Thank you very much for your reply.

I was at the doctors yesterday regarding unrelated matter, and ask the question again of 'do i need to tell'. It was a different doctor from last time and again she said I definately dont need to. I asked again to be sure and said that Id feel bad if I passed it on. She said again I dont need to tell, and this other person might be a carrier anyway and just doesnt know it. I only know cos I got tested, but Ive no idea who gave me it.

Im now of the opinion that its no worse as say, having a coldsore. Would you tell everyone you kissed that you have / sometimes get them? I wouldnt ( and I wouldnt care if someone didnt tell me). And as you say, many people have STI's and dont know it, so they cant inform partners.

I only had 3 warts the size of pin heads - they are gone now so Im not too fussed about telling future partners.
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Postby Erika_is_going_crazy » Thu Mar 05, 2009 8:14 pm

K..I know this was only an example and dont mean to get all attack-like lol, but having cold sores means you've got the herpes virus. And I def would want someone to tell me if they had cold sores...a guy just gave my friend this (so had to comment, since its personal! hah). I also read you can even be charged in some states for knowingly passing on the herpes virus. I think since hpv is so common and with the vaccine and half the strains being harmless, the doctors dont want it to stop you from having a good, healthy life, and really, why should it? Dont get me wrong, I,m not a huge liar or cheater or something!

I think a good way of looking at stuff is to try to put yourself in the other persons position. Would you sleep with someone if they told you they had hpv..or even herpes??
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Postby ifeelfilthy » Fri Mar 06, 2009 9:54 am

Maybe the cold sores was a bad example then! I didnt realise they we're linked to herpes! Myabe I should have used just a cold / the flu as an example then!

Erika wrote: think a good way of looking at stuff is to try to put yourself in the other persons position. Would you sleep with someone if they told you they had hpv..or even herpes??


Are you saying you'd tell them you had it? If someone told me, I wouldnt sleep with them.
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:01 pm

I really don't know how I would react. If someone told me they had herpes, I prolly wouldn't sleep with them. But thats only cause I already have GWs. Not to sound mean, but I couldn't deal with both. Especially since the person who gave me GWs did not disclose this to me.
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:06 pm

I read many posts from Dr Handsfield. I was obsessed about his opnions..lol. He said that you don't have to tell someone if you have GWs, but if you have herpes then you must tell cause that person can press charges. It's really all confusing. Oh, and he said that you have to tell if you are having present symptoms, but if you have been clear for a while, then you don't need to tell. I have a feeling my partner had symptoms when we had sex. Cause I noticed a skin tag on him when we did. I said nothing and thought nothing of it cause I had no clue what genital warts was. So, I did confront him about it, and he said he was clean :roll:
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Postby OmgYayHPV! » Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:27 pm

I would be pretty mad if someone knew they had HPV and slept with me without telling me about it. :(
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Fri Mar 06, 2009 8:29 pm

OmgYayHPV! wrote:I would be pretty mad if someone knew they had HPV and slept with me without telling me about it. :(


You would be pretty suprised of how many people don't dosclose this very important discussion. It makes me wonder if they are not aware of it or just heartless and selfish.
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Postby ifeelfilthy » Sun Mar 08, 2009 7:27 am

I am SOOO confused now.

Why did the doctor(s) insist that I dont need to tell?!!? I dont get it!! :(
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Postby OmgYayHPV! » Sun Mar 08, 2009 8:46 am

I guess people just view this differently. Think about how you would feel if someone slept with you knowing they had HPV and didn't tell you about it. How would you feel if you didn't tell someone and they ended up getting warts? Sure it's possible they've had it and it's been dormant and it coincidentally started being symptomatic right after they slept with you, but you can never know for sure. If you had the flu or a cold would you make out with someone without telling them? Same thing, except those things go away a lot quicker and don't throw people into a panic when they find out they have it.

Plus, if you tell people you can help educate them or at least prompt them to educate themselves. People need to learn more about HPV so that they don't think it's the end of their lives if they get it, and so that (hopefully) there can be a lot less of a stigma attached to it.
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Wed Mar 11, 2009 2:03 pm

I think what the doctors are trying to say that you don't need to tell partners about your HPV if you are having casual sex with that person. As far as a long term relationship, then you need to tell. But after being infected with HPV, most of us are not looking for casual sex. So, you should tell. I think you should tell no matter what, but I think that was the doctor's point. Confusing..haha
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Postby oxaloacetate » Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:00 pm

i think you should tell and of course everyone has their point of view.
if you think you gonna have a serious relationshp,you should discuss with the partner.
currently im confronting the same problem.i still dont know how to tell my bf.i feel disgusting and embarassed.im sure my bf is clean and clear.
what shoud i do?im really confuse.:(
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Sun Mar 15, 2009 3:09 pm

oxaloacetate wrote:i think you should tell and of course everyone has their point of view.
if you think you gonna have a serious relationshp,you should discuss with the partner.
currently im confronting the same problem.i still dont know how to tell my bf.i feel disgusting and embarassed.im sure my bf is clean and clear.
what shoud i do?im really confuse.:(


Tell him when you feel ready. Don't pressure yourself into it. I would at least take care of the virus until saying something. That way, you can have a clear head before you disclose.
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Postby Vividangel1984 » Sun Mar 15, 2009 6:59 pm

Something I found from Dr. Handsfield.

Welcome to the STD forum. I'll try to help -- but of course all I can do is provide facts and estimates. Integrating them in a way that you understand and believe them, in view of your OCD, is up to you.

With the warts gone by freezing, you may no longer have the virus, or it might be present in such small amounts it cannot be transmitted. Once the warts have cleared up and there is no recurrence of visible warts for 6 months, you can safely assume the virus is gone and you cannot transmit it to sex partners. After that time, there is no need to mention your past warts to your sex partners. (Some people do that, out of courtesy -- and it's probably a good idea to discuss past STDs when starting a new relationship that has a potential for an ongoing commitment. But this is an optional, personal decision.)

HPV cannot be transmitted by towels, hand-genital contact, or anything except direct (genital-genital) sexual contact. The virus is never transmitted by environmental contamination or contact. No special precautions (cleaning, washing, etc) are required to prevent it. No worries here, period.

So don't let this get you down. Your sex life deinitely is not "doomed forever".

HPV/warts is a pretty complex topic. In addition to these responses, I suggest you look at some other reliable websites for accurate information. A couple good ones are those run by CDC (www.cdc.gov/std) and the American Social Health Association (www.ashastd.org). (Full disclosure: Dr. Hook and I are on ASHA's board of directors.) Please do that sort of homework before asking follow-up questions here.

Bottom line: Genital warts are an unpleasant inconvenience, not a serious health threat to you or your future partners. Don't lose a lot of sleep over it.
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